I believe that life is our greatest teacher. Let me share the rich instruction I received from a seemingly trivial incident. In taking rubbish out to the curb side, I lay aside an old 36-inch fluorescent tube on the back porch. While my back was turned, the tube rolled off, fell on to the brick pavers about a meter below, and loudly exploded into a thousand pieces which scattered far and wide! What a mess and sudden inconvenience! My wife, Eva, rushed out to see what happened. Silently, I marvelled at her not uttering a word of criticism or berating my careless action.
Coming Alongside with Compassion
The realization came to me again that whenever we “stuff up”, act mindlessly, or do anything unwise, there are built-in painful consequences to lesser or greater degree. Typically, we feel bad inside and bemoan our actions. Emotions such as sadness, anger, or fear arise in the heart. Having someone else add insult to injury through harsh words of criticism or judgment never helps. It only cuts off understanding or compassion. How much better to simply come alongside the person in pain or anguish, and be there for them. It endears such an individual to us. And this was Eva’s touching example – she just gently said, “I’ll help you clean it up.”
Together we went out and she swept the main area covered with sharp pieces of glass, while I tackled the further-away areas. After sweeping the whole paved area, evidence of the smashed bulb was still seen as the morning sunlight reflected from minute pieces lying in the narrow spaces between the pavers. For the next hour, on my knees, with brush and pan in hand, I swept out the crevices. Even then, as I walked away, I could still see isolated, minuscule pieces of glass glistening in the sun. They would always remain there as a reminder.
Brokenness Is Reality of Life
In life, too, we will have mishaps and become broken in one way or another. Wounds and brokenness are realities of our human existence. From earliest childhood (even with loving parents) onwards, we may well experience contradictions, conflicts, harshness, abuse, hypocrisy, rejection, injustices, and double messages from people around us. These experiences are stored in our memories and can be compared to the countless pieces of glass which lay shattered over the pavers.
Accepting Our Brokenness with Compassion
Even though we go on with life and allow acceptance and forgiveness to heal unpleasant and painful memories in the heart, at times they will still surface – just as I will continue to see minute pieces of broken glass in the paver crevices. And, as I accept the fact of the now broken light bulb, so too we can (1) accept our own brokenness, (2) be reminded of valuable lessons learnt, and with self-compassion – as well as a deeper understanding and compassion for others – (3) continue our life’s journey.
Written by Alexander Peck; edited by Eva Peck (2012)
When we get hit hard, we [can] look outward and see how other people also have difficult times.
When we feel lonely or angry or depressed, we [can] let these dark moods link us with the sorrows of others. We share the same reactivity, the same grasping and resisting.
By aspiring for all beings to be free of their suffering, we free ourselves from our own cocoons and life becomes bigger than “me.”
No matter how dark and gloomy or joyful and uplifted our lives are, we can cultivate a sense of shared humanity. This expands our whole perspective.
(Pema Chodron. Becoming Bodhisattvas: A Guidebook for Compassionate Action. Boulder, Colorado: Shambhala Publications, 2005.)
